Pregnancy – What No One Tells You!

Pregnancy puts a woman through many changes. And no matter how many What to Expect When You’re Expecting-type books you’ve read, there will always be some pregnancy experience that is new to you – and usually not welcome!

If you currently find yourself in this stage of life, I can safely say that no-one, not even those pregnancy books – will provide you with the information you are about to read. Here’s a quick “heads-up” for all the novices out there.


You will no longer be able to ride a bike

I happen to be 33 weeks pregnant as I sit here recovering from my short-lived bike ride. Back story: since the weather has been so nice lately and my husband has finally fixed my bike (yes I’m a clueless female about all things mechanical, unfortunately), I took it out this morning for a ride. We live on top of a hill, so without a care in the world, I cruised down to the bottom, not needing to peddle. Big mistake! As I started peddling to get myself back up the hill I discovered that I had embarked on a Really Bad Idea. With each revolution of the pedals, my legs knocked into my big preggo belly in a most uncomfortable way. I can confidently say now that yes, a heavily pregnant woman can certainly coast down a hill on her bike, but good luck trying to ride it like a real cyclist and not end up with a black and blue belly! Needless to say, it didn’t take me long to realize I’d make a faster, more comfortable ascent if I hopped off the bike and trudged feet-to-pavement up the hill instead.


Your profile will undergo an immense change

I sometimes fool myself into thinking I don’t really look that pregnant. I mean, after all, front-on in the mirror, I do actually still have a semblance of a waist. However, as I keep looking at that mirror while turning around, it occurs to me! Whoa! – I am huge!

It’s funny how an actor playing a pregnant role on TV often looks as though the lazy prop person has just stuffed a bowling ball under her shirt. I’ve always thought – how fake! After seeing my profile by accident one too many times, I now know that yes, pregnant women really can look that way as I myself have grown one of those bowling-ball bellies!


That belly gets in the way of everything

I’ve always been a fairly slim sort of person. But now, with this big ol’ tummy sticking out of me, I’m finding that every day I manage to thwack it against something or other. The worst is the public bathroom scenario. Pre-pregnancy, I’d never given a thought to how overweight people manage to fit into those tiny stalls in public bathrooms, but now they certainly have my sympathy. Each time I use one of these bathrooms – and yes, that translates into lots of times at this stage of the pregnancy – I manage to open the door into my belly, forgetting just how big it is. My poor bub will probably associate toilet flushing with a hard body slam for the rest of its life!


You are growing an alien inside you

Sure, I know that what is really growing inside me is a (hopefully) healthy baby. Babies, as most of us know, tend to kick. So that is all I was expecting to feel throughout pregnancy: baby kicks. Not so. What I feel isn’t some innocent baby practicing soccer moves; instead I feel a creepy little alien rolling across, and poking out of, my abdomen. Every now and then I’ll feel particularly weird so I look down at my belly and see an elbow – or something – boldly trying to erupt from my skin, distorting my otherwise symmetrical belly. If I were a person prone to panic attacks, I think I would be permanently hyperventilating because of this alien within.

I hope this primer has helped you prepare for what pregnancy will do to you. The next class will be on the grisly, gory events of childbirth. Or maybe not - after all, it’s important to keep the population growing, perhaps sometimes certain things really are better left unsaid.


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About the Author Sonya Nikadie is the author of several books and works as a freelance writer and editor on topics including medicine, psychology, cookery, travel, the environment and nature.

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