Author: Sue Lauman
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Often, we overlook the effect of a person’s physical health on their psychological well-being. It is a day-to-day battle for people who are deteriorating physically to overcome the eventual emotional decay that can be associated with their condition.
Thirty years ago, when Karen Moreland was 15 years old, she started to have pain in her hip when she walked. She was a competitive swimmer and figured that she had “pulled something” in her hip, but when it didn’t go away, her parents took her to the doctor. “He looked at me for less than a minute and decided I had an infection in my hip joint, sent me for an x-ray (which I never heard any more about) and put me on antibiotics. This went on for about 6 months”, remembers Karen. Eventually, tired of receiving no effective treatment for their daughter, Karen’s parents took her to a new doctor who immediately diagnosed her with scoliosis.
Happy to be diagnosed and attending physiotherapy, Karen’s symptoms subsided for the next year until she bent over at her locker one day and could not stand up again. This led to 4 weeks in traction while doctors argued over the best treatment of her condition. Upon further examination, Karen was found to have a 17 degree lumbar curve with a malformed vertebra (spondylolysthesis) and a deteriorated disc mid curve. The immediate task of getting Karen back on her feet was remedied with various medications, anti-inflammatories and physiotherapy. Because this “managed” her condition, it was decided that no further treatment was required. Sciatic pain became a regular occurrence and approximately every 18 months, Karen would take a week-long Demerol vacation in the hospital to deal with uncontrollable bouts of pain.
Karen’s life continued as a young woman’s should. Even though she dreamed of being a surgical nurse, her back issues prevented this and Karen took a job with a bank in 1980. She met and married her husband, Graham, in 1984 and in March of 1987, her daughter, Lindsay, was born and Karen’s condition quickly took a turn for the worse.
In 1988, Karen had surgery to have her gall bladder removed. The weakening of her muscles from her pregnancy and the abdominal surgery resulted in a rapid deterioration in her condition. Referred to an orthopedic surgeon, Karen said, “He told me that my back was just tired from having the baby and I should rest and exercise. I couldn't have been more disappointed... I’d had my fill of doctors at that point and gave up any hope that there was an answer out there for me.” This was the beginning of a downward spiral in both her physical and emotional health.
What followed was 18 years of trying to find some relief. “I've gone through traction, braces, physiotherapy, acupuncture, chiropractic, surgical muscle release, botox injections, joint freezing and partial fusion,” says Karen describing her search for a life without pain. Meanwhile, over the years, Karen’s scoliosis progressed and she developed a new posture, leaning forward more and more each year, relying on a cane to give her support while standing or walking.
As Karen’s pain worsened and she became more disfigured by her condition, her emotional condition slowly decayed as well. Although Karen was fortunate to have a husband who loved and accepted her as she was, Karen had trouble with these issues herself. “Clothing didn’t fit properly, so I had to buy clothing that fit rather than clothing I liked. I quit wearing make up because I felt unattractive and it just seemed like too much effort for no effect.” But it wasn’t just her body image that suffered, her confidence in all aspects of her life declined. Karen became insecure about her work as well. “Whenever I went on holidays, I worried that they would like my replacement better. I often felt on the verge of tears. I would resist standing up for myself, because I would cry instead of handling issues calmly. Everything became an emotional issue, even when it wasn’t!” Eventually, Karen was being treated for clinical depression.
In April 2006, Karen finally put herself on a waiting list for extensive spinal reconstruction surgery. Although still nervous about the surgery, Karen was anticipating a great outcome for the first time in years. At the time Karen said, “I can't help but be excited that this may finally be the end of my being the "lady who walks bent over with the cane". I'm looking forward to going for long walks without my constant companions: pain, spasm, exhaustion and my cane.”
October 2006 saw Karen in Calgary’s Foothills Hospital in surgery for 10 hours. Now one year after putting herself on the waiting list for surgery, Karen was heading back to work in April 2007. Her physical recovery will be long and hard (she still faces hip surgery in the future) however her psyche becomes stronger all the time. No longer on the constant cusp of tears and exhaustion, Karen is better able to cope with the normal stresses of her life. “In my visits with my G.P. he actually laughed at me and said it looks like I have a new lease on life - he's right. I really feel amazing!! I have gotten over the feeling that I'm going to cry all the time and the pain is almost completely gone. I can't sit still; all I want to do is walk because it's so much easier it has become fun. I feel good about myself for the first time in my adult life. I'm interested in clothes and make-up and all sorts of things that I never bothered with because I felt like I didn't need or deserve them because I was "deformed" and unworthy. It’s so weird feeling this good! I sometimes don’t know what to do with myself with all this new energy.”
Karen continues to heal, emotionally and physically, and she’s getting better every day.
© Copyright, peoplemenders, 2009. All Rights Reserved.
About the Author
Sue Lauman is a freelance writer. Sue is a dedicated wife and mother who currently works in resort marketing. She also takes an active role in Breast Cancer awareness and fund raising.
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